A Restless Wolf

This picture was taken at the boat dock at the very end of the road.......about 40 miles from downtown Juneau.

I had checked the weather forecast last night before going to bed.  By last night, and with a 3 day weekend coming up I had yet to make any definate plans for that time off.  The forecast for today was calling for 100% chance of rain and high winds.  Hmmm.......I also called the hike hotline last night to find out where the group hike was both hiking and meeting up, and after hanging up the phone promptly decided that I did not want to hike with the group.  After all that, I went to bed still having no idea how I was going to spend the weekend..............

25 years ago, while I was living in Saint John New Brunswick, I took my small child (there was only one at that point) to a park early in the morning.  He loved to visit the small zoo at the park, and then play in the sand by the lake.  We visited often. We used to go very early when very few people were at the park.  My child would quietly play, and I would quietly relish in the sight of my wonderful and beautiful son digging in the sand - and by the time the park began to get busy by mid-morning, we were ready to head home.

I remember going to the little zoo one morning, and watching a wolf that was new to the zoo pace backwards and forwards in a penned area that looked too small for him.  I watched him for a long time pacing non-stop the length of the pen - then turning to pace in the other direction.  I was mesmorized by him. 

Pacing - and watching - back and forth neverendlingly. 

I could feel.......something.......in him.  Frustration.  Anger.  Outrage.  At boundaries that were unnaturally tying him to that small place that was completely contrary to his nature and instincts. 

I haven't thought about that wolf in many years, but I tell that story now, because for some reason he came to mind this morning.  I thought about him this morning because that is how I felt this morning. 

No.........that's only partly true.  How I felt this morning didn't just happen.  It has been building for days.  Maybe weeks.  Maybe longer. 

So how was I going to spend my Saturday?  It wasn't raining (not yet at least) and although I considered them, I quickly realized that I had neither the physical nor the mental energy to either bike or hike.   And just like that I decided that I would drive further Out The Road to the end of the road.

These are some pictures taken on the way out.  There were a good number of opportunities to get out of my car and walk trails both long and short.  But I stuck with snapping a picture or two here and there along the way, and continued driving further.

The drive out was beautiful.  Lots of pull-offs where you could take pictures.  Lots of channel and mountain views on one side of me, and pine-tree filled rock bluffs on the other.  When I turned a bend in the road quite a ways out though, I came face to face with an outstandingly beautiful and rugged mountain.  By that time there was very little traffic on the road, and I simply stopped the car for a moment, got out of my car, and snapped this picture while standing in the middle of the road.

I did the same thing when I came to a bridge - just pulled over to the side of the road as much as I could, snapped pictures of the creek on both sides of the road, then snapped the picture of the sign.  I guess Alaskans enjoy using signs for target practice as much as Tennesseans do.

And all too soon I was there.  The End.  Of the Road.

The end includes a boat ramp, a beautiful cove, a pine-tree and moss-filled trail.  Today it was beautiful.  Today it was quiet and peaceful.  And I felt anything but.........

There is almost no traffic that far Out the Road on a dreary and cold Saturday morning.  But only a minute after I pulled into the parking lot I was surprised to see another car pull in behind me, and a young woman get out of the vehicle.

I was standing on the boat ramp as she approached me, and I turned to look at her.  She said hello and she was almost in tears.  I asked her if she was alright.  And then she WAS in tears.

She had moved to Juneau Alaska from San Francisco just 5 months ago.  She had moved here for a job, and was lonely and unhappy.  And she had felt compelled on a dreary Saturday morning to borrow a friends' car, and to drive as far away from the city of Juneau as she could.  So she borrowed a friends' car and drove to the end of the road.  This woman was 22 years younger than me, but I was stunned at the similarities in our story.  And stunned that two women at an impasse chose to escape Juneau to the same place at the same time.....

My loneliness, unhappiness and feelings of being unsettled are not for the same reasons as this womans.  She is young, misses good restaurants - good friends - good men - family she left behind.   And her job contract is only for one year.  So there is a tangible end in sight, if her life does not improve in the next 7 months.  But that doesn't help her now.....today.....when she was feeling so lost. 

I think both of us talking with each other while we walked and took pictures for a while may have helped her.

She headed back to Juneau after about 15 minutes, and I think maybe she felt a little better.

A picture of me looking awkward and uncomfortable at the End Of The Road.  After the young woman left I stayed for another 30 minutes walking, thinking, picture taking, getting cold, but not wanting to leave.  Not wanting to head back.  Until finally my feet were too cold to just wander outside underdressed, and I realized that it was time to head back

The "End" sign indicating the last of a road leading away from Juneau.

As I was driving away from the "End" I decided that I was not ready to head back to my lovely Alaskan cabin-in-the-woods yet.  But where to go next????  I thought briefly about taking a short walk on a trail by Auke Lake.  And discounted the thought immediately.  I thought about stopping in Auke Bay for a burger.  But wasn't hungry.  I thought about stopping at the Auke Bay Harbor to take some pictures and by the time I was done maybe I would be hungry.  And finally I decided to go to the Valley  to check out a "$1.49 Store" - similar to a Dollar Store in Tennessee only everything is...........well............$1.49.

Visiting the store was a waste of time.  They had almost nothing in stock, and nothing at all worth looking at or buying.  While I was at that little mall though, I walked though the grocery store named after a Bear (can't remember the whole name of the store), but it was expensive and I already doubt that I will ever shop there.

Still not able to go home yet,  I drove to Auke Bay Harbor and took many pictures of many boats.  I will post them in another post probably tonight.

And finally, cold and tired, but still running on nervous energy and no less restless than I was quite a few hours before, I went home.   The wolf finally decided to sit.