Don't Fuck With The System - Part 2

Jamie and I were out for about 3 1/2 hours today, and in that time I took 125 pictures.

After reaching the pole on the beach we took the left trail for the first time and I was eager to explore and see this new part of the area............

****

Why couldn't he wait until after the winter?

Why couldn't he wait until I found another job?

Why couldn't he give himself more time to see if this entirely new and different culture grew on him?

Why couldn't he see a doctor to see if they could give him something for arthritis?

Who leaves a woman alone in Alaska in the winter?

Doesn't he realize that I can't just leave a decent paying job with good benefits, and leave with nothing - no benefits, no income, no nothing?

He had to leave. 

His physical and mental health required him to leave.

It was weighing heavily on him. 

And then me.

He has spent his life personally and professionally helping others, and he needed to do what he needed to do to be healthy for himself.

He had to leave.

I know and I understand.  I know him better than anyone else knows him.

But why............

****

After being in the shade during the entire walk on the first trail, and walking for a while on this trail in the shade, I looked up ahead and saw the sun.

I was cold and eagerly walked towards the sun and hoped-for warmth.............

The first of many boy scout buildings we soon found while wandering on the trail..........

When I came across this structure I pulled Jamie off the trail to get a better look at it.

There was a pine tree filled area and then a huge rock face just behind the building, and while I was walking around it looking and picture taking Jamie unexpectedly began to growl quietly.

The entire area was still totally quiet, and I focused completely on my surroundings looking to find whatever it was that she either saw or sensed.

She continued to growl.  I could see nothing, and after a couple of minutes of this it seemed the best idea to move along.

I watched both sides of the trail and the trail behind me for a long while, but never did see anything..............

Many structures found along the way............

This trail was hugely interesting to me.

There were rustic buildings in the woods throughout the area, and I really had a great time exploring this new place...........

After this interesting part of our walk Jamie and I finally made it to the beach.............

As my dog and I were heading to the beach we found this surprising place obviously designed for group campfires and maybe late night skits..........

Although I was not certain, I was hoping that the camp would eventually veer back towards the beach.

Happily it did, and I was finally in warmth (though not much) and wintery sunshine.

I was pleased and happy to find the beach, and pleased and happy to be back out into the open again.........

I am always stunned at the dramatic combination of snow capped mountains and dark green pine trees.

The combination pleases me............

For the second time today Jamie started to growl quietly when we arrived at the lodge.

Again I spent some time warily looking and watching and listening, wondering what the heck she kept keying in on.

After a couple of minutes she happily started towards the beach, perceived or real threat apparently gone and forgotten............

I happened to come across pictures of my house down in Tennessee the other day.

I like my house down there a lot and I miss it.

And I miss my son.  My oldest son - my first born child.

I can still remember the moment - the actual very moment that I fell completely in love with that little tiny person, who is now a hulking almost 27 years old.

I remember what he was wearing, what he was doing, the drooling and toothless full-body laugh he gave me when he saw my face.  He was three months old.

Chris turns 25 tomorrow.  Two boys born 23 months apart.

I don't miss Tennessee.  My sons have their own lives.  LC wants me to go south. 

It's hot.  It's busy.  It's flat.  And there are no jobs.

We fucked with the system and now I don't know where I belong...........

****

Everywhere you turn in this place you see beauty.

Everywhere you turn..........

I do not need to feel pressured to not go walk or to not go to Sitka or to move somewhere that I am not ready to move to.

I will be careful and do not need any more pressure added to my life..........

Who will remind me to take my vitamins now?

There is a definite line between lonely and alone.  I am not certain at this moment on which side of that line I am standing.............

****

I recognized this bare tree as soon as I saw it.

It is the same tree that I have photographed many times recently while standing at Eagle Beach across the river.

It stands out so well because it stands alone and leafless among full pine trees and snow capped mountains........

The three layers of mountains in the background of this picture are also very familiar because I have also photographed them often from across the river.............

One last look at my beautiful tree.

Jamie and I arrived home freezing and tired, but feeling very good.

Hungrily I searched the fridge and freezer for something to eat and found one of those microwavable vegetable mixes.

I also had one piece of 2-day old fried chicken in the fridge.

I hate to cook, but thought I could muster enough enthusiasm to tear chicken off a bone and nuke a pack of vegetables.

It all turned out pretty good and I think Jamie would agree.

She helped me eat our warm meal, and my girl has been sleeping on the couch all afternoon after her big morning adventure.............