Thursday, October 6, 2011

Dear Dog

My dog is a happy girl.
She has a fenced in back yard again and loves to wander.
She relishes every opportunity to scare the heck out of birds and squirrels and rabbits and cats and any other small critters that dare to enter her domain.
She has already buried something in the corner of the yard and behind the trailer.
I prefer to not know what it was.
When I ask her if she wants to go outside she darts for the back door and stares at me expectantly.
Anxiously anticipating the very moment when I will open the door so that she can dart outside every time at full speed, looking in all directions for something to chase and terrorize.
The other day she upset a squirrel high in one of the trees and they carried on a crazy and animated barking-chirping exchange for a couple of minutes before the squirrel finally scampered away disgustedly.
We have dragged her all over the country and at the end of the day Jamie seems fine.
But she loves her yard and I am happy that she is back in it.
Happy that she can wander and dig and scare the birds and squirrels and sit on the porch and in the grass.
And happy that she can
I have become more and more dissatisfied with my camera.
Pictures in bright sunshine come out too light and many pictures in bright sunshine now have a foggy spot in the center of them.
I think I killed my camera.
When I fell in the mud.
When I fell in the mud on my bike.
When I fell in the mud on my bike on Bureau of Land Management land.
When I fell in the mud on my bike on Bureau of Land Management land in back of the house in Cody Wyoming.
I think I will borrow LC's camera for a while and will try really hard not to kill it...................
I have received phone calls from people who have found out that I am back in Tennessee and back in town.
It will be good to see old and familiar and friendly faces................
Dear Dog,
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.  Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed.. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, bark, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog’s butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pet, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit And Like to Complain About Our Pets
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3.. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

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