I guess I'm starting to lose track of time.
Trying half heartedly to keep it together, move forward, be OK, not impose my feelings on others.
Trying not to stay lost in a place inside my head and my heart that seems to be the only safe place left for me, and ultimately a place that I really don't want to leave.
I had heard, somewhere at sometime, that the hundreds of flags that I had unexpectedly found set up outside the library last year, were also set up again this year.
They were set up for the first time last year, on a vast expanse of irrigated green space outside the beautiful library building to celebrate Flag Day.
I knew nothing about the event in '12, and only found it by accident during a trip to the library a few days after we arrived back in Wyoming.
At that time, I hadn't reached into the side pocket of my pack for my camera in months, but as I turned off the Greybull Highway and onto Stampede Avenue where the library is located, I saw the flags.
I instantly pulled the truck over to the curb and sat quietly looking out over the hundreds of waving flags for a few moments, feeling numb and not sure in that instant what I wanted to do with the sight.
After a few moments I impulsively reached for my camera, climbed out of my truck, and began to walk alone through a red, white and blue world of American flags that were waving wildly in the Wyoming Wind.
Local residents and businesses purchased the flags as a fundraiser for the library system, and it was a way to recognize the day, recognize the service of a military member, recognize and remember either a favored family member or a lost loved one.
A link to the event last year:
I post the link above because last week I realized that I had missed the entire event this year.
Hundreds of flags came and went and I missed the whole thing.
As I pulled onto Stampede this year, I looked over the expanse of green and saw nothing.
Maybe they had placed them behind the library this year?
I already knew that they hadn't but I turned off Stampede anyway and meandered down the winding paved side road leading to the back of the building. Nope.
I had missed it.
As I drove through the large complex (that includes the library, the recreation center and the arena) I was indecisive about what to do next. Just head home? Stop and walk? Walk and picture take?
Picking Door #3 I pulled over to the far side of the library, parked the truck and climbed out.
The entire western region of the country (including Cody) is deeply embedded in a heat wave right now.
Temperatures are very high, the sky is a constant and almost unwavering deep blue, and the rain we have had off and on for the past few months is now long forgotten as Wyoming settles in for a typically hot and intensely dry summer.
My least favorite time of the year because the oppressive dryness and heat is unyielding and energy sucking, and this woman has little mental or physical energy to spare.
But on the day of this walk - only a couple of weeks ago - it was only warm and beautiful.
A good day for a short walk only a few miles from home.........................
The park like setting of the library grounds are lovely, and there are two small man-made lakes on both the front and back ends of the building, connected by a system of man-made streams.
A pumping system circulates water continually around the facility - a constant and contrasting state of smooth ponds and fast running water.
It is a pleasing place.
An oasis in the high desert of Cody. An oasis of water within the city limits. As oasis of calm in the middle of what is now a hustling and bustling and vaguely annoying tourist town.
I walked slowly, enjoying the green-ness and quietness and stillness of this oasis, trying to calm my rapid heart rate and rapid thoughts.
Slow down Karin.
This building holds the library on the main floor. Additional floors are homes to a branch of Northwest College offices, and offices that update drivers licenses and car tags................
After wandering along the shore of this beautiful little pond, I sat on the large boulders deep in thought.
The sound of moving water was soothing but I could still feel my body and head moving too fast. So fast that I could barely keep up with all the images and thoughts that moved rapid fire through my brain.
So fast that I almost felt sick to my stomach.
A freeway of images rapidly moving from left to right like speeding cars - approaching, speeding by me, disappearing from sight only to be replaced by another one. And another one. And another one.
I looked out over the lake. Looked up and enjoyed the sight of Heart Mountain, absently wondering (as I have hundreds of times) if the Indian In Profile that made up the top of the mountain was an actual, living person in history, or if the Indian profile is just a local observation of how the mountain "looks". Realizing again (as I have hundreds of times) that I don't care about the answer enough to even look it up on the computer.
I could see portions of Cedar Mountain to my left, partially hidden by the trees.
I looked over at the shady spots beside the building, remembering the deer I had unexpectedly seen sitting in one of those "dark spots" a couple of years ago.
When I look at these pictures as I blog, I am reminded again that pictures can give a "sense" of a place, but don't really tell the whole story.
One day when I was still living up in Juneau I took some pictures of a long abandoned, tiny, rustic, wonderfully beautiful and rundown wooden building.
The pictures - without any supporting information to back up the images - would have naturally made you imagine that the tiny wooden structure was located in the middle of the mountains.
Standing alone and abandoned in some beautiful, outstandingly isolated place.
In reality the little windowless shack was located about 50 feet off the main two lane highway that ran from the "End of the Road" to "Out the Road", through the high density residential area known as the Valley, through Juneau and down to the ritzy residential area known as Thane. Eventually making its way to the other "End of the Road".
1/4 mile away from the wooden structure was a major grocery store and the turnoff for the Valley, with all its' residential and business and commercial nastiness. But you would never guess that from the picture.
And so it goes with the Cody Library.
In one direction there are only nice but high density homes.
1/4 mile away from this quiet place in the opposite direction is a busy strip mall, an Albertsons grocery store, a Subway and K-mart and a Maverick gas station, a couple of liquor stores, a boot shop, a health food store, a yuppie sandwich shop, a Starbucks with its overpriced and over-strong coffee (I have tried to drink coffee at Starbucks only twice and both times ended up throwing it away), a couple of mom and pop motels, a KOA campground, McDonalds and Burger King and some taco place whose name I don't remember.
An hour after I had started my quiet walk, I circled and slowly made my way back to the truck.
All through the long Wyoming winters, local Cody residents see the black plastic bottom of this place.
The ponds are dry, the streams are empty, the grass surrounding the ponds is dormant and brown, just like the entire rest of the world around us.
In summer it comes alive....................