Wilderness Of Your Intuition

Feeling out of sorts and very unsettled the other day I went for a bike ride out at the base.

The day was cool but not cold, and was overcast and vaguely threatened rain.

Vaguely unsettled woman riding in vaguely unsettled weather.

On the 10 mile drive to the base I debated briefly whether to ride on single track trails or ride the quiet roads in and around the recreational areas of the base.

It wasn't really a long debate.  I did not want to work as hard as I would have to work on single track, nor concentrate as much as I would have to concentrate.

A road ride it was.

Driving in back of the University of Tennessee Space Institute I drove beyond the main educational center and past student housing, and pulled into a small parking lot adjacent to the lake, the boat dock and boat house, and a tiny and sandy swath of land called Mullican Beach.

As I pulled in and parked the truck I was thankful, as I always am, that the place was quiet.

Before unloading my bike I walked across the paved lot and headed onto the grass, making my way on foot down towards the picnic shelter.

I have done the same thing a hundred times over the years.

Always walking down to the shelter, looking through the trees at the lake, walking over to the flat roof of the boat house and looking out over the lake, then walking down the paved ramp to the boat dock.

I have done the same thing a hundred times over the years and did it again the other day..............

With a bike ride still waiting for me I slowly wandered on foot down the embankment close to the water, and half way down stopped again to search the lake for............what?

I saw the Cumberland Plateau in the far distance.

The coves, the shore on my side of the lake, and the shore on the opposite side of the lake, now filled with never ending green.

The brightness of the new growth of spring.

The flat lake looking green and grey against the variably grey sky.

I watched as a duck that had been swimming alone in the lake rapidly fluttered his wings and first walked and then ran across the surface of the water until he picked up enough speed to take flight.

It hardly seemed worth all the effort because he only flew a few hundred feet before landing and swimming again in the lake.

I stood looking at the boat dock - the starting point for many lake swims with a training partner while triathlon training not long before I switched over to adventure racing.

And looked over at the small boats piled on racks next to the boat dock and wondered for the hundredth time whether or not anybody ever actually took these boats out onto the water because they always looked as though they had never been moved.

The world was quiet.  In this place...............

After finally unloading my bike from the bed of the truck I headed away from UTSI and rode towards the huge power lines only a mile away.

There was a gravel road on the left across from the power lines that I had not ridden since returning to Tennessee in September.

I didn't remember the road well because I had only ridden it once before with LC a few years ago, but did remember that the gravel road quickly moved to a pretty overgrown single track that eventually became unrideable.

On the day that LC and I had explored there we eventually ended up dropping our bikes and continuing on foot, eventually ending up on a trail that ran close to a cove.

It had been so long since I had seen it that I decided that's where I was headed.  At least initially.

As I turned left onto the paved road that turns into double track gravel road almost immediately I looked up and hit the brakes.

There was a chain across the trail entrance and this sign.

I unclipped from my bike, put my feet down and straddled my bike, looking at this new development and wondering why the road was closed and how long it had been closed.

There are certain signs in certain sections of the base that could be "open for interpretation" but this wasn't one of them.

As I continued to straddle my bike I sucked water through the tube of my water bladder as I worked to come up with a Plan B...................

Civilian no-mans-land now..................

Since they connect with the mountain bike trail system on base I have ridden the power line trails on the opposite side of the road many times, but had never ridden those next to no-mans-land.

Still straddling bike and still sucking water I regarded the trail briefly.

It most likely hooked up with trails I found a few weeks ago while biking in back of the base golf course, and if that was the case there were miles and miles of undiscovered territory out there.

Only I just didn't have the mental fortitude to work that hard.

Too much climbing, too many rutted out roads, too much bone jarring riding.

No.......................

I rode further down the paved road and stopped at the creek.

It was low and I was uninspired.

As I had slowly headed towards the creek I saw occasional bright yellow signs close to the woods alongside the road with bold black lettering indicating No Entry UXO Cleanup (unexploded ordinance cleanup).

OK this ride was not going as planned.

I felt directionless and as if I were wandering aimlessly.

Which of course, I was.................

Heading back towards UTSI I turned right at the four way stop before reaching the campus and road down one more paved road.

After crossing over the lake I (on the spur of the moment) turned right onto a gravel road curious to see where it led.

It led to a sign that read:

This is NOT a Public Access Entrance

FOR MILITARY USE ONLY

etc etc etc

Really??????

The same sign I had seen only 20 minutes before next to the power lines.

Heading further down the paved road I turned left onto another paved road, passed by a few small industrial looking buildings and soon found the lake again.

After a few minutes I pulled over to the side of the road, dismounted from my bike, walked it into the woods and leaned it up against a tree.

I wanted to walk in the woods, and after ensuring that my bike was safe from prying eyes and would-be thieves, happily set off on a short and easy bushwhacking adventure.....................

Leaves reflected in the lake.................

Before heading further into the woods I looked back to reassure myself that my bike would be OK.

It would be OK...............

I was out in the country but ultimately not far from civilization at all.

I had traveled beyond small industrial facilities but this road also contained occasional homes and even while bushwhacking I was stopped in the woods by a cove and the sight of a home on the opposite side of that cove.

Disheartened I turned back and returned to my bike.

This beautiful barn was located across the road from where I had surrepticiously hidden my bike at the edge of the woods................

On this day where I felt so lost and unsettled and vaguely depressed I stood looking out over the lake acutely aware of the fact that civilization was all around me.

Most days that knowledge does not bother me front and center, but sometimes it does.

Like on days when I need to be away from constraints but somehow they seem to surround me anyway.

Like I am being sucked into some kind of vortex......................

Clusters of daisies along side the road................

Heading further down the road and still curious where it led I came to this.

I looked at the gate spanning the entire width of the road and suddenly felt done for the day.

Gates that stop you.  Signs that stop you.  Factories and homes.

Disgusted, I gave up on the ride and headed back to my truck.

It was a tough day.

Thankfully most are much better....................

You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you'll discover will be wonderful. What you'll discover is yourself...............Alan Alda