Leaning Against The Door

This picture was taken 26 years ago in Australia.

It is a picture of my younger sister Susan, with her husband and two children.

A year later she died from breast cancer.

She was 28 years old..............

I spoke to her a few weeks before she died.

By that time it had spread to both her spine and her brain, and when I talked to her she was difficult to understand.

I sensed during that call that it may be the last time I would ever speak to her and it was.

Two weeks later I received the phone call that she had died.............

After I hung up the phone my oldest son Sean - who was all of nine years old at the time - asked me what was wrong, and I told him.

He hugged me.

And told me that it was OK to cry.

I hugged him back, told him that I knew it was OK to cry, and I WOULD when I was ready.

And then I went and cleaned out the hall closet.

It was three months before I could cry for my sister.

19 years later Sean died from an enlarged heart.

He was 28 years old..................

Sometimes I feel like I am leaning against a closed door.

Desperately trying to hold the demons back.

So far so good...........................